Moments of Doubt and a Monkey Wrench

Suffering from the dreaded Moment of Doubt. I have lots of them. They go something like this:

Why should I even bother with any of this? What’s the point. No one cares, should I care? Nothing matters anyway. Its just stupid music, do I even like it?

I get down on myself, and really this is like poison, because ultimately, the point isn’t to make anyone else satisfied or happy, but to provide my own self with a sense of accomplishment. If someone else happens to come across this stuff that I produce, and they happen to like it, then that’s just icing on the cake (really good icing to be sure). I just have to keep reminding myself (often in writing, like this) that the point isn’t to impress anyone, that isn’t my job here, my job is to make a something. Produce it, see it all the way through, and when that is done, then I have a success (and subsequently, a green light to start the next thing).

I did, however, take that MoD and put it to some good use, the song I am working on now, well I basically trashed a third of it (mostly synth parts). I had gotten it to a point w here I had built so much on top of this thing that it started to sound like cluttered rubbish. The guitar tracks also bit the dust too. As much as I liked them, there was something wrong (aside from the G-string being out of tune). I am probably going to re-do the guitar tracks, because I really did like the mood it set, but the synth parts, those are gone. I started doing something else with some other sounds, playing some repeating melodies (a favorite technique of mind) and they may work… following the “less is more” school of thought.

I just tossed a great big old monkey wrench into the works and lets the machine fall apart. Now am picking up the pieces, seeing what can be recycled and what should just be forgotten about. I think that’s a valuable lesson to learn. Knowing when its OK to wreck something in the hopes that it can be made better, and that wreckage doesn’t always mean wanton destruction. Its a tool of creation too, at least by my estimation.